The moment you walk in the door you know my mood changes. You took my frown and changed it permanently. You upset me but turn it around so fast. You know I cant stay mad at you even if I truly wanted too. You often say the same for me. I miss the time we used to spend together but really I know this way makes you happier. We have our nights and you leave in the morning. I do wish you wouldnt leave but I can tell you dont want to feel that connection again. You watch me dance and grab a hold of me like you used too. You look into my eyes and I feel like you let the past go. But in the morning you wake back up and want to leave again. I wont ever try and force you to stay but I know you can see how I feel about it. You kiss my cheek and hold me tight. Sometimes I think you want to say good bye but you don’t want to let go. There is something here and I know you feel it. We are what we are and we are best without a definition. People ask though and they wonder what happened. They see us when we are together and question me when you walk away. Sometimes it hurts but I rather just be honest, then again I lie to them and say “ohh we are still good friends”. Not that we aren’t friends, you truly are my best friend. But we are more we always have been and you even admit to that. They can all see I want you that I love you still. So I dont know why they ask. Maybe because all of this is so obvious to everyone.
You bring me in close to you and I joke about how you want me. For a second I actually believe its a joke but its not. You want me and I want you, we just dont work when things get rough. Things are changing though I think. We are both much happier this way at least for now. I needed to be on my own alone for a while but I can’t lie I want you here. More often than you are, but things are easier right now arent they. I miss you already….
I am starting to get to the point that I regret meeting you. You changed my life and then you ripped my heart apart. I know in your heart you didnt want it to end the way it did. But now not two months later are you completely numb to the past. Like it never meant anything to you..
All I ever want to do is fuck him until I can’t walk anymore
u think i am walking around the house with a blanket around my shoulders because i cold but in actuality it is my cloak and i am on an adventure
I want to pretend like I am going to be all fine and dandy with this but i know part of me is not. It is off the table forever and that is something I actually asked for. I had a small feeling of relief when he said it. Doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t still want him. Dane made me feel whole and well special, he showed me parts of myself I never knew existed. He always has pushed me to work on my art and has always been there when I was having trouble. We are going to stay friends and I think its for the best no matter how much it hurts at the moment or will continue to hurt. He was my best friend before all of this ans hopefully we can still be best friends for a long time. I will always love him and he knows that, seems to be the hardest part.
Trying not care about him is like ripping a part of my leg off..
There is no forgetting, as the days go by I find more ways to love you. I try to keep you off my mind, my heart floods me with thoughts of you. I tried to find things I didnt like, I came up with four. I love you to my deepest depths and its nothing I could have been prepared for. We were just supposed to be friends. I cant get you out of my head. Sometimes I wish I could be so angry with you that I didnt want you around. The more I try to hate you the more I realize I truly love you.